penny is my alias; a given nickname, a chosen identity in a way. like clementine.
in the past two days...
- i have found the dog i want. her name is penny.
- i caught these lyrics for the first time listening to jesus christ was an only child by modest mouse: "penny found out as her hair was styled..."
- then, i found the video for flood pt. 1 by the acorn. i have never been so gripped by a video. it's magical and wonderful. visually stunning, it's like a beautiful dreamscape. every time i watch it, i'm overwhelmed by how uniquely imaginative and artistic it is.
this is the description for the meaning of the video from hearya.com:
"flood pt. 1 is a modern fable with many hidden meanings in the video’s several twists and turns. A penny falls from the sky and begins a cataclysmic chain of events. A glacier falls from a subarctic cliff and wakes a giant who sleeps beneath the sea. The angry giant unleashes his fury in the form of a Tsunami which forms into evil storm clouds that spew rain storms of treasure and gold into a bucolic river, where our hero (and heroine) are picking
snails.”
snails.”
one part of the video reminds me of the science of sleep, because the water looks like moving pieces of blue cellophane.
*edit: i found the lyrics to flood pt 1, and i have to share.
lift your head from wild and wicked sleep
where seven-headed serpents hiss soliloquies
and while picking snails from the river of the valley
you don't see the storm clouds piling up so quietly
the rushing river rattlesnakes your legs
and baby boy has got you drinking from the dead
you lick your lips and paddle for the levee
the sinking banks are sifting through your teeth
as you float up, see the river skins the valley
and strips the sleeping sediment of memory
you lift your head from wild and wicked sleep
the withered river sputters at your feet
and all around the sound is slow and muddy
the sunlight scatters pennies through the leaves
as you wake up see the river skins the valley
you'd love to wash this summer from your memory
i wish i could write like this.
---
and, i'm obsessed. but who can say they haven't been at one time or another?
i have felt like this. i think we might all do this, to some extent. makes me think...
part of me feels this way. and by part of me, i mean the little girl tantrumming around inside the walls of my brain, driveling these words at me in drowned hisses through tiny teeth and spit-cry.
brilliant. i don't think i could bring myself to do it, but it's so clever. and tempting now that i've made it forbidden... shit.
whenever i receive affiration that i wasn't the only weird child in the world, i feels good. really good; like i've just found another of my long lost kindred souls.
this one makes me shudder. but i feel like i know these girls... if i was really brave, i would admit that, short of date-rape, i have been this girl. i know a lot of gay guys and lesbians who have been this girl.
thank god.
it's honest and heartbreaking. such a beautiful acceptance of a tragic fate in unrequited love. i consider this art.
this one made me laugh out loud, therefore immediately earning a spot.
it's simple, and i love it.
this is easier than it sounds...
mental illnes theme... some of these are quite haunting, and i think that's why i like them. they're kind of dark, like anything that needs keeping secret.
i can't decide if i think this is realistic, pessimistic or nihilistic.
i'm eating my words, not all secrets by necessity are dark. that's why this was one of my instant favorites.
this is one of the most beautiful postsecrets i've ever seen. it's such a romantic idea, i want to believe this is a true secret, i choose to believe that. i want to hold on to the fantasy of someone making a spontaneous choice to choose a new life, be someone else. it's a beautiful notion: new life being born of hate, something ugly and wildly destructive. but another side of me feels for this person's loved ones from the 'previous' life. what of those who suffered the loss? then again, perhaps this person's life was awful. maybe there was no family or friends to leave behind. i've never been so curious, created so many fictional lives in my head, racked my brain so intensely for an answer that won't come. it's a make believe answer i will either convince myself is reality or a solution to a mystery that will remain mystery forever. i want to write a play inspired by this, written in acts that show different possibilities, each one stranger and more far-fetched than the one before. maybe in one, whoever wrote this was a conspirator in 9/11. or a boring, unhappy man trades his family, salary job and house in the suburbs to disappear into a remote paradise.
i don't have the guts to tell her.
if my life was a little more black & white on the sexuality and natural-lifestyle spectrums -- and i could grow a pair -- i would say this to my father.
and i finally found this one down the rabbit hole of my external hard drive...
i had been looking for this one. (by the way, i'm every kind of pack rat a person can be, in 'real life' and in cyberland. they're basically parallel universes anyway, i get it. makes sense. i'm also every kind of ADD a person can be. oi vey.)when i was a kid, i used to lay awake at night, equally terrified of heaven and hell.
last thing: i'm making an ironic christmas mix. it's going to be chock-full of songs that have some connection to christmas-related themes, but aren't considered christmas songs at all. for example, songs to soothe the lamentations of seasonal defectiveness and all severities of humbug. comedic christmas songs and surviving-another-year anthems will have their place too. also, jesus christ was an only child will appear on the mix. the song i'm most excited about is a surprise.
fin.
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