at least if i was too drunk and obnoxious, i was a happy drunk. better than a sobbing mess. i've been that girl. or a maniacal, reckless, self-endangering machine... been her too.
i remember...
- telling dallas he was one of my best friends. and reenacting the night of his 21st.
- having a tiff with bret about something or other... the usual.
- telling ella it was a nice surprise to see her because i didn't expect to until our tentative snow photo hangout sesh thursday.
but, the most memorable part of the whole night by far...
- making out with kaela in the dark, being told to take it outside by the neighbor, feeling embarassed as shit, taking it outside to the hood of a car (who's car?)... next thing i knew i was being body-slammed by kayla, as she put it. suffice it to say i wound up on my back, on the ground, with kayla mangled on top of me, scrambling to get up while laughing her ass off. by the end of the ordeal, i had beer in my hair and i was laughing the hardest i've ever laughed. bret walked outside when we were still struggling to get off the ground. kayla told him the whole story, me doubled-over with laughing pains, then proceeded to tell everyone else inside. oh god. oh goddd. priceless.
after this act of debauchery, i was in dire need of another beer. this conversation ensued:
b: "you sure you need another one?"
a: "you're right. i just need to smoke some weed."
b: "..."
oh, and i threw up twice. i'm taking my alcoholism to a new level. i mean, not intentionally, really. it's pretty damn disgusting. i've developed a habit of drinking drinking drinking, puking, drinking more, puking, drinking, driving home, passing out. sometimes i eat ramen between getting home and passing out.
what. the. fuck.
last night i bumped into a wall and a door or two. i even fell in the kitchen. backwards. in my defense, my boots were really slick from the snow and ice. imagine the classic slipping-on-a-banana-peel gag... that's exactly how i fell.
the last thing i remember is watching american beauty after stuffing my face (i hate the drunk munchies), and thinking about rolling a joint... before i knew it, i was waking up at 9 a.m. in desperate need of water.
that was my last hoorah for a while, and i knew that going in. probably why i got so drunk. not to mention the always present and hovering possibility of awkwardness, but also excitement to see my friends. i don't know why i can't just be nervous, be excited; why i have to down alcohol like it's elixir.
at any rate, i start a new job tuesday. responsibilities.... yeah. making coffee and taking photos. i think i can handle that for a while. i hope. please, don't get restless and fuck it all up is my mantra right now. a little dismal, but necessary.
i am so incredibly heartbroken over not having any 120 film right now i can barely stand it. the lighting in my house has been beautiful, perfect really, all day. the sun was shining this morning, and the sunset was so breathtaking it wasn't even fair. snow and pink puffy cloud against a blue sky... damn the luck of not having a digital or any polaroid or 120 film.
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dear snow,
please stick around. you're beautiful, and i love your presence in my life. be my muse.
your friend,
penny
p.s. until we meet again, some forget-me-nots...
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oh, and speaking of penny. i made the mistake of looking at pet adoption pages on craigslist yesterday, even though i have no intention of getting a pet. i would love to have a pet, but i can't have one right now. i fell in love with a black lab retriever shepard mix with big, sad eyes. her name is penny, it's fate. i'm going to keep her as my imaginary dog.
i know, right?
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